The cross and buriel preceeds resurrection.

I have recently become aware in a new way of the extent of my dependence on others and personal approval - I love being praised by men. I crave praise and affirmation from men and appear to take for granted the love of God. I am not fully aware how strong this impulse is but am becoming more aware. I am also addicted to comforts outside of God. I am still very self-sufficient and independent. Proverbs 1 v 7 states 'the fear of God is the begininng of wisdom'. Whilst I do have this reverence and respect it isn't nearly enough. I remain very concerned about the way people see me. God is amazingly gracious, I can grasp that but nowhere nearly enough. I still have alot to do before I can say that I have died to self.

Reputation

People put a lot of store by reputation and image. We want to be liked and need to be needed. The problem is no matter how hard we try to be popular it seems that there will always be someone who dislikes us. If we put ourselves out to be kind some people are suspicious even of this. It is much easier to be true to ourselves, to our conscience and to God. This may not pay immediate rewards but it gives us peace of mind and peace generally. It can also give us a clear conscience which is a precious commodity.

For reputation and image come and go but the truth is permanent and eternal.

Silence is hardest

Sometimes it is so hard to be silent, when you feel misunderstood by someone you feel deeply about and you so much want to explain what you mean but feel that the harder you try the worse it becomes. So badly you want to put things right but deep down you know that you can't. The only hope lies in the one 'who was from the begininng' - 'who was and is and is to come' that somehow slowly, he will change the mind of the other person and just as He waits for us so we wait for the other person. Just as the Father waited for the prodigal son intensely day by day. So He waits for us day by day - to see the big picture. To see it as He sees it - to see it in truth. That we will no longer see through a glass dimly - but as it really is.

'For as a sheep before his shearers is silent so he did not open his mouth.'